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| i was so good until dinner last night. hopefully today will be better =] | | |
| haven't been on in ages, heartbreak has gotten me down, but i've moved on. loosing weight to keep it off
current-130
goal for 8/25- 123
goal for september 1st- 119
goal for september 11th- 115
goal for start of swim season- 112 ish
=]]
breakfast- 100cal cereal thing (100)
lunch- 2 green apples with peanut butter (72 + 100 = 172)
dinner - hopefully nothing =] but prob an apple again.
out take-
teach swimming allllllll day.
crunches/pushups/plank(plan)
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| i've gained bck all the weight i lost, but i dont care as much as i used to. yeah i still count callories, but you know what, i want to have fun and when all i can think about is counting calories and how fat i look and all this i can't. i made some pretty amazing friends in the last few months. i met a boy. and you know what, he might be a player, but he makes me let go. and im honestly not really looking for a relationship and neither is he i don't think, but i like him and he likes me and we both know it so unless he has changed his mind in the last week, eventually we might go out for real instead of just being drunk hookups. but the thing is, im the biggest bitch to him and sometimes i dont even mean to be he can just be the worlds biggest asshole, but even when hes not trying to be an asshole im a bitch to him, i think im terrified of what might happen if we fall for each other or something crazy like that. he's kissed me sober, but only twice. i'd really enjoy it if he got over himself and spoke to me, or just fucking kissed me again, he makes me crazy and confused. my goal in the next few weeks is to stop being a bitch, so that when i go away for 2 weeks he misses me like crazy and wants me really bad when i come back because i fucking want him too. i need to learn how to not be a bitch. tomorrow morning im giong running. thats my plan, is it going to happen, prob not, but im not hung over so its more likely then it usually would be because all i seem to be doing is drinking, but tonight i did't i even bought beer, but i didn't drink. im proud of myself. honestly. last night i was alone until like 11, i thought i was going to die. i was so bored and tired so i couldnt even do anything. i only have one group of friends, i should really look into investing in because if some of them are busy, im stuck by myself all alone >.< rawr. i want to loose weight before school starts in a month and a half and i also want my lip repierced when i get back from camp, but i might get it this week, idk yet. right now im just rambling, im going to sleep to see if i can get up tomorrow morning and go for a run =]. nighttt | | |
| if he so interested, he should act it and actually talk to me | | |
| i don't sleep. i don't eat. he makes me so happy, but i have no idea how to get to him. distant little fucker. i don't want to be that annoying girl who hooked up with him once and wont go away. i hooked up with him 3 different nights. drunk, drunker, tipsy, and he kissed me when we were sober. so obviously he wants something. he keeps telling me that im different than all other girls, that its not easy with me. i guess thats a compliment, im not easy and slutty. apparently he always gets his way and girls just come on to him. im not that kind of girl, and i never will be. but honestly we were just texting having a normal conversation about this kid tj our friend chris is hooking up with, it was such awkward texting. who make fucking awkward texting. idk we made drunken plans to go to the movies today, i didn't know if he remembered so i didn't remind him. i just want him to grab my hand and make me feel alive again. | | |
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